So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
