did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
