i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
