I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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