I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is the high leading the old right now
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
