Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
