'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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