I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize