I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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