after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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