I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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