what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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