Jerry, you need to find god
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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