im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My brain says no but my pants say off.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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