Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
