do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
