There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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