She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
