Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You pole danced in your parka.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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