Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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