If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
