is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You smell like stripper and shame
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
