I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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