then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
