Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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