I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
