She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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