found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
