I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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