Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize