Just fell off a train. Bad.
It was confusing and full of hummus
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
vagina is talking i cant
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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