Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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