Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
