I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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