You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
