While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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