he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
