just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
