it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
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My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
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i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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