Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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