so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
