Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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