dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
