can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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