I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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