I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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