I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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