call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
