saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
