So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The feeling are messing with the penis
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
