so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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