some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
