tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
