So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
