I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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