so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
