My nipple is on Facebook.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
