You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
