The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
