Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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