do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
