Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need to calm my uterus...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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