Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
