Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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