The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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