This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
