Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
