No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
