Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So much Jack, so little girl.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
