those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
