If that was your dad, he is hot
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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