So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
well you can't waste a boner
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
