other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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