Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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